One of the things that I have learned is that, I am responsible for my own self-esteem. Through-out my life I have had low self-esteem as well as healthy self-esteem. During my times of low self-esteem I became very insecure and this affected all of my relationships with others. I had to work on myself and had to put the effort into boosting my own self-esteem.
Causes of Low Self-Esteem
There are different causes of developing low self-esteem.
These can include the following:
- abuse and/or dysfunction in childhood
- significant losses in childhood
- parental alcoholism and/or drug addiction
- overly critical parents
- excessive criticism from others
- parental neglect or over protectiveness
- parental rejection or rejection from others
- absence of praise, affection, warmth or interest
- trauma
- dissatisfaction with personal appearance
- experienced betrayal
- illness/physical ailments
- living conditions
- lack of proper education
- lack of coping skills
- stressful life events
- financial issues
- relationship problems
- being bullied/mistreated
- job issues/unemployment
- unrealistic expectations
Dangers of Low Self-Esteem
There are many dangers to having low self-esteem as it can cause several problems in our lives.
These include the following:
- alcohol and/or drug abuse
- marital problems
- relational issues
- anxiety
- depression
- affects how we think of ourselves as well as how we think of others
- increases stress
- causes insecurity
- affects how we react to life and life’s events
- causes physical health problems
- eating disorders
- suicide
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
There are various signs that we can look for in order to see if someone is struggling with low self-esteem.
These can include:
- feeling inadequate, worthless and/or unlovable
- being stuck in an abusive relationship
- going from one abusive relationship to another
- having an eating disorder – anorexia, bulimia, compulsive over-eating
- constantly being defensive
- fear of failure
- fear of success
- perfectionism
- under-achiever
- not being assertive – inability to say “no”
- unhealthy boundaries
- not trying new things – fear
- fear of socializing
- rigid
- inappropriate conformity
- irrational
- over compliant
- being pessimistic
- easily frustrated
- engaging in sarcasm
- hostility towards others
- over controlling
- fear
18 Ways to Boost Your Self-esteem
There are different actions that you can do that will boost your self-esteem. You can start by making the decision to put your desire into action. It starts with working on your attitude and deciding to change. You have the power to build your own self-esteem.
These 18 ways include the following:
Review your strengths and weaknesses
Take some time and make a list of all the things that you are good at. It can be anything from boiling an egg or playing scrabble to being a good mother. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, it’s time that we focus on our strengths and set goals to work on our weaknesses. Make another list and list all of your achievements. List all big ones as well as the small ones. They can be anything from passing a class or learning a new skill to getting out of bed and facing a new day after a bout of depression. Set some goals to help you move towards making your life healthier and more fulfilled. For some help with goal setting I have written an article on “SMART” goals (click on the link).
Learn how to accept compliments
I know so many people who struggle with accepting compliments. If you dismiss them or ignore them, you are giving the impression that you are not worthy of them. You are also insulting the person that gave them to you. Accept compliments graciously. Simply smile and say, “thank you”.
Associate with positive people – Distance yourself from people who are negative or overly critical
When we spend time with positive people we tend to pick up on their attitude. We will feel better about ourselves and we will have more joy in our lives. If you surround yourself with negative people, they too can influence your own attitude and it can result in feeling worse about yourself, your life and your future.
It is important to build a positive support network of people. This not only helps us, it also benefits them. Having supportive friends and being a supportive friend is truly a gift.
Don’t be a doormat: Learn how to say “no”
Say the following sentence out loud: “I do not have to say yes to every request that is made to me.” How did that feel? For many people, that statement is scary and hard to say. That statement is also a true gift to yourself and to the other person. When you say yes outwardly and inside you are screaming “no”, you are lying to yourself and you are also lying to the other person. You are setting yourself up to develop resentments, which will adversely affect your relationship.
Start to set boundaries and accept that it is healthy to say “no”. If you don’t acknowledge your needs and desires, no one less will. When we don’t have boundaries we allow others to take advantage of us. When you say “no”, you are telling yourself that you have value. If you are wanting some guidance in recognizing if you are valuing yourself and ways to value yourself more, I have written an article that you can access here – Do you value yourself.
Say “no” to your inner critic and be mindful – aware of your own thoughts
Pay attention to your own thoughts. What messages do you tell yourself? Are you more critical than kind? It is difficult to develop healthy self-esteem when you keep putting yourself down.
Celebrate your own special qualities
It is list making time again 😀. Make a list of all the qualities that you like about yourself. Some example are:
- I am generous
- I have compassion for others
- I have a wicked sense of humor
- I am a thoughtful person
- I am raising beautiful humans
If you are struggling with this exercise, ask some close friends. You might be surprised with what they tell you.
Trash perfectionism
There are times in our life where we get so caught up in everything having to be “perfect” that we lose sight of the things in our lives that really matter. It is not possible to have it all, do it all, or be all to everyone. It’s perfectly ok, to be perfectly imperfect. No one is perfect.
Stop comparing yourself to others
There will always be people who are “better” than us and others that are “worse” than us. If you are focusing on the people who are “better” than you, it will only set you up for more negative thoughts about yourself. These negative thoughts will result in lower self-esteem. Remember, even if it looks like it from the outside, no one is perfect.
Stay active
Get up. Suit up. Show up. When we engage in physical activity it gets the endorphins moving in our brains. These endorphins have a direct effect on your mood. You don’t have to go to the gym or run a marathon. There are plenty of activities that can get you moving. Try going for a walk, putting on some music and dance around the house, or take the family to the pool for a swim.
Take care of your personal appearance
This is not about getting obsessed about your looks. This is about taking care of yourself. Have a shower and wash your hair. Get a new haircut. Wear your favorite outfit. Take some time and put on some make-up. When we make some effort, we are then rewarded with good feelings about ourselves.
Try to do nice things for others – be kinder towards others
When we take some time to do something nice for someone else we take the focus off of ourselves. We also invest in that person. This can cause us to feel good about ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves our self-esteem increases.
Take a 2 minute self-appreciation break
This is an easy exercise that you can do everyday.
- Find a quiet spot where you can either sit or lay down — get comfortable
- Take a few deep breaths
- Think about all the positive things that you have identified about yourself
- Ask yourself — what are 3 things that I appreciate about myself?
Do the right thing – even when it is not easy
When we do the right thing, we feel better about ourselves. We will have less regrets and will be keeping our side of the street clean. Doing the right thing is making choices that fit with your personal values and goals.
Start a self-affirmations journal
Buy yourself a notebook and spend some time every week writing out several self affirmations. You can reflect on theses during your 2 minute self-appreciation breaks.
Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way
Everyone makes mistakes. You are no different nor are you immune to making them. Make the decision to learn from them rather than keep punishing yourself for them.
Eat healthy
When we make the choice to eat a nutritious diet we are not only benefiting our bodies, we are also benefiting our minds. We feel better physically when we eat a healthy diet. When we feel good physically, we tend to feel better mentally.
Get sleep
Sleep deprivation has adverse affects on your body as well as on your mind. The odds of becoming overly sensitive, having less patience and feeling angry increases. You not only will lash out on others, you will often lash out on yourself. Lack of sleep will also affect your personality and can increase feelings of depression and sadness.
Forgiveness
What does forgiveness have to do with self-esteem? When we hold on to unforgiveness we are keeping ourselves in a prison. It can prevent us from healing in a broken relationship as well as keep us from cultivating new relationships. We can get stuck in a “victim mentality” and that not only affects how we see the world, but also how we see ourselves. Whenever we don’t forgive ourselves that too can have damaging effects to our self-esteem. We get trapped in bad feelings and possibly inner rage.
Forgiveness is not always easy and can take some time and some work. The first step is making the choice to forgive and not wait to “feel” like it. Once we make the choice we are turning the key on our prison doors so that we’ve can start to walk towards freedom.
You Can Do It
You may not be responsible in regards to having low self-esteem, however you are responsible for taking action to change it. The truth is you are in control of this and have the power to start making some choices that will benefit your life. I wish that I could say that it will change overnight, it won’t. However by starting to take some of these steps and making an effort to apply them daily, you will see results. You don’t have to do all of them today or even tomorrow. Start by committing and following through with one and build from there. I know that you can do this and I am cheering you on.
What is the one action that you are going to start doing? Drop me a note, as I would love to hear from you.
Be blessed 💞💞💞
Such great tips that we can all benefit from. Even those who seem to have high self esteem often need to follow similar advice to stay on the right track
Absolutely — blessings 💞
This post is really a wonderful resource for remembering how important it is to have confidence and be healthy. I can definitely work on some of these items, especially taking compliments, and not thinking comparatively. You have some very helpful tips here!
– Sarah from https://happylittletadpole.com/blog/
I think we have been conditioned to deflect compliments – it takes practice to graciously say thank you without any other commentary. Blessings
Such an interesting post. Everyone that I’ve known that struggles with self-esteem struggles to accept & believe compliments! Everything you said is spot on!
-Madi xo
http://everydaywithmadirae.com
Thank you. So many people struggle with low self-esteem. Accepting compliments is a great baby step to self worth. Blessings to you 😀💞
This definitely hits close to home. Living with low self-esteem is a daily battle, and one I think will be a life-long battle. Thank you for sharing!
You are not alone in this battle. Keep pressing forward. Blessings to you.
I love posts that give practical ideas of how to do something! Most of the most complicated issues can be helped by using uncomplicated things!
That is so true. Sometimes it comes down to a decision to take action. Blessings
These are all such great reminders!
Great tips! Thanks for sharing. I work from home and dressing up a little bit to go out shopping seems to improve my mood.
It makes a difference for me too. Blessings to you.
I have a hard time balancing the – be kinder towards others and Learn how to say “no”
I totally understand that. What works for me is asking myself how I will feel if I say yes when I really want to say no — if I get any hints of being resentful or bitter I know I need to say no — that no is actually being kind as it us stopping a possible relationship breakdown. Blessings
This is a very comprehensive post about what to look out for related to low self-esteem and what can help to improve the way you feel about yourself. I especially like your idea about celebrating the aspects of yourself that you like.. great idea!
Thank you. Blessings to you.
I think one of the things I have done more frequently is to learn how to say no. That has really helped with my self esteem, especially given my long history of many forms of abuse from a young age. It gets tougher to do all these, in my opinion, when we are rooted from a very young age to believe we dont matter. I know one other thing I can do is try to surround myself around better people and eat well! Thank you for this list!
I am sorry to hear of the pain that you had to endure with abuse. I am happy to hear that you are making strides to overcome some of that pain. Good job in that as it is not always easy. Blessings to you as you continue to press forward.
Thanks for all the tips. They are really useful for those who, like me, have problems with self-esteem. Saying no to me in particular is a complicated undertaking. I will try to follow your advice. Thanks again! And congratulations it’s really a nice article.
Thank you for your kind words. I used to struggle with saying -no – as well. I realized that I was getting resentful and angry at the other person when they had no idea that I wanted to say -no- blessings to you
These are so real and so helpful! I especially love the image reminder to give yourself permission to say no!
It’s not always easy to say – no – however it is freeing and a form of self love. Blessings
Thank you, for sharing! I have struggles with low self esteem, and this post really helped me!
I think everyone has struggles with self esteem through out their lives. I am glad that you found some helpful tips. You are appreciated. Blessings
This is something that I have struggled with for years. Thank you for the reminders. God doesn’t make mistakes, right? And He made me just the way I am.
That is right He doesn’t make mistakes. He created you uniquely as you have value in your uniqueness. Blessings
Such an awesome read and the accepting compliments is a hard one for me; I really do try to push them away and change the subject quickly. Also thank you for reminding me to do the reflection and thinking of something positive about myself. I’m going to try that today!
I think a lot of people have a hard time accepting compliments. I believe a great way to start is to just say — thank you — after some practice it does get easier. You are a blessing.
Thanks for these helpful tips. I think it would be great if you could spend a bit more time on one or two as perhaps a separate entry. Some of these definitely warrant a more detailed post – eg the bit about comparing yourself to others etc.
Thank you. When I was writing this I had thought the same — thank you for your words of wisdom and sharing. Blessings.
Great, great post! Love that you don’t only give the ways to increase self-esteem but also the root of it. Having a journal is definite a must.
I believe that in order to change we must look at the root. Glad that you have had success with journaling. Blessings to you.
Learning how to accept compliments is for sure a huge self esteem booster! I used to always brush them off, not believing them or being embarrassed. Now I take them with pride!
Yay! You are a blessing.
Thanks for these tips. I’ll be sharing them with others as I believe in them and needed a reminder today.
Awesome. Blessings.
Thanks for sharing! What a great list! I like the idea of the appreciation break
Thank you. The nice thing about it is we always can make time in our day for it. Blessings
I love this post. It’s so relate-able on so may levels. I’ve struggled with self-esteem for years. As I’ve gotten older I think I’m getting the hang of accepting myself for who I am OR at the very least, singling out negative thoughts and getting them out of my head. One thing I recently realized I’ve been doing though, I don’t always consider myself essential to others. I have so many amazing friends and family members in my life but when I think of our relationship I only consider how amazing they are to me and how they positively influence my life. What I don’t consider is how they feel about me and how I’m important to them. Sometimes it makes me not push myself to be the best friend I can be because I don’t think it matters to them. When in reality I’m just as important to them as they are to me. It’s been an interesting recent revelation.
Wow — what an awesome revelation for you. It’s sometimes hard to see the value that we have and how not seeing it affects our relationships with others as well as with ourselves. It’s great to hear that you are starting to see that others need you in their lives as much as you need them. Blessings to you and to your relationships — may they continue to blossom.