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I have had the honor of working with women for the past 9 1/2 years who have had a desire to better themselves and in doing so better their lives. I have been a witness to magnificent transformations and it has warmed my heart. Sadly not everyone was able to stick it out and even sadder some were forever lost. These women all had something in common though — they didn’t value themselves.
Living in a lie
Some of the women were taught at a very young age that there wasn’t anything inside them to value. There were some that learned this from relationships that they had engaged in later in life. The truth is, it doesn’t really matter where or how they were taught this. What matters is that they were taught a lie. I don’t believe that these women were the exception. It has been my experience that there are way too many women living with this lie. Are you one of these women?
Questions to asK yourself
1. Do you demand perfection from yourself? Are you ok with areas of your life not being perfect?
2. Do you set realistic goals and set yourself up for success? Are your goals yours, or are they what someone else wants for you?
3. Do you engage in some kind of self-care? Do you treat yourself to good things? Is there time in your week that is just for you?
4. Are you taking responsibilities for your choices or do you blame others for where you are in life?
5. Do you allow others to make their own choices and walk in the consequences of those choices?
6. Are you focused on being in control of everything that you end up feeling out of control? Do you push people away by trying to be in control of every situation?
7. How often do you “should” on yourself? Are your “shoulds” realistic?
8. Are you ok with saying “no”, and do you say it when you want to say it?
9. Do you make choices based out of your feelings of guilt and shame? Are you feeling overwhelmed by the feelings of guilt and shame?
10. How often do you feel inadequate, insecure or jealous?
11. Do you consider yourself when making decisions or is it always all about the other people in your life?
I want to encourage you to really ponder those questions. Write them down in a journal, and take some time to search your heart and answer them honestly. It’s important to remember that we can’t change anything that we don’t acknowledge. In order to heal we have to have a starting point. Journaling can be a less intimidating way of getting honest with yourself. No one else has to see what you write, unless you choose to share it with someone.
Some of you are going to discover that you rarely value yourself. There will be some that almost always values themselves. My guess is that most people are going to fall in the middle — sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. This may be dependent on the people around or the situations they find themselves in.
No matter where you fall — we all can work on valuing ourselves to a greater degree. The following are some ways to get you started towards valuing yourself.
10 Ways To Value Yourself
- Don’t demand perfection from yourself. Set realistic goals that you CAN and WANT to achieve . See here for a post I have on SMART goals.
- Reward, comfort and love yourself. Recognize your accomplishments. Treat yourself to self care.
- You have the right to decide who, how, and what you want to be without making excuses, justifying, or saying, “I’m sorry”. The truth is, you are responsible for everything you do unless you are physically overpowered. This is your life and what happens in it has a lot to do with your choices.
- Recognize that there are limits to your power. You really control no more than 50% of a relationship – your half.
- Check out your “shoulds” to yourself. Is it something that you want?
- Don’t answer questions you don’t want to answer. Questions can be threatening, demanding, or manipulating – especially the “why” or “why not” questions. You have the right to say “no”.
7. Recognize feelings of inadequacy, shame and guilt for what they are – legacies from your past. You can decide NOT to feel that way.
8. Be true to yourself. Remember that no matter what you do someone is not going to like it – so you have to risk being disliked, or even ending relationships.
9. Refuse to be manipulated by other people’s greed, helplessness, or anger. Set limits. Say “no” when you mean “no”. Confront those who try to manipulate you with “you should” and who offer guilt provoking statements.
10. Stay in the here-and-now and cope with reality. Don’t blame others or the world for your problems. This behavior is aimed at making you FEEL BETTER instead of SOLVING YOUR PROBLEMS, you are defending instead of coping. Every healthy person has problems and you do have the ability to cope with them.
My goal for this post is to get us all thinking about areas in our lives where we aren’t valuing ourselves. To motivate us to look at and implement practical changes that will help us to live a life of victorious living . Once we can start valuing ourselves more we will start loving ourselves more. This in turn will help us to love others to an even greater degree. Not only does valuing ourselves help us to feel better about ourselves, it helps us to have healthier relationships. We get to experience more joy, love, peace, contentment and wellbeing. In addition, we get to be healthy role models for the other women in our lives – daughters, nieces, sisters, mothers, friends and any other female that crosses our paths. Wow! These are amazing rewards and worth the work and effort that it will take to better ourselves.
What area do you need to work on? What change are you willing to make starting today? Drop me a note – I would love to hear from you and cheer you on.
Be Blessed 💞💞💞
50 thoughts on “Do You Value Yourself?”
What interesting journal prompts. I’m definitely going to answer those questions and start journaling more!
What a great post! I love those questions you can ask yourself and the idea of not demanding perfection from yourself. So important.
We are all works in progress —- blessings
Good for you in trying to make sure that women place more value and less pressure on themselves! Journalling is such a great suggestion as I think it’s soo easy to forget how you felt or what you did and journalling really helps you narrow down and think freely!
Journaling can be so healing. Blessings.
I really enjoyed this. As corny as it sounds I like to talk to myself and remind myself what good did in the day to make sure I never forget my value. It’s a shame how many don’t see how amazing they truly are. We all have something unique to offer and something of value to share with the world.
I don’t think that is corny at all. I believe that when we hear the message — even from our own voice — it settles deeper into our spirit. If we aren’t saying kind things to ourselves how can we expect others too. Blessings to you. — keep being good and kind to yourself.
This is a really motivational post. Years (actually decades) ago, I had very little regard of myself, always trying to please everyone, losing myself in the process. Thankfully, I mustered every ounce of strength and put my foot down. Enough. I had to find me. Looking back at the lessons I learned during that time of my life, I am very grateful to my family and friends who supported me and helped me be the me I have always wanted to be.
Isn’t it amazing how quickly we can lose ourselves when we fall into the trap of pleasing others. So glad for you that you were able to walk out of that and that you are experiencing the freedom to be ‘you’. Blessings to you.
Beautiful post. I am blessed to have a loving family and friends and we look after each other. We know how to lift each other up. Problems become insignificant when somebody has your back at all times. Insecurity fades when you have someone who believes in what you can do before you even believe it yourself.
So beautiful to know that you are loved and supported. We need each other to get through this thing called — life. Blessings.
This is amazing! I agree 100%. Thank you for taking the time to write this post because it is beyond necessary in our society full of comparison, followers, likes etc. SO OVER IT!! Everyone should strive to be the best person they can be because it’s one of the few things in life we have total control over!
I agree with you 100%. I think we can get so caught up in comparing ourselves and our lives to others that we lose who we are meant to be. The truth us , we need each other and that means we need each person to be who they are and using what giftings and talents that they have. Can you imagine what this world would be like if we are all identical in every way. Blessings to you. And thank you for your words of wisdom.
Great post, Shelley! I struggle greatly with valuing myself, because I have been taught by various people that self-love is selfish. Also, I fear that if I loved myself more that I would end up being a narcissistic jerk. However, I do want to value myself more, as much as God values me. It’s a struggle, but I want to thank you for helping me think about ways to be nicer to myself and to give myself more credit for things that I have accomplished so that I will be a more joyful and loving person, not only to myself, but to others as well.
You blessed me with your authenticity. Thank you. It’s hard to change our thoughts if we have held on to them for a long time. Keep pressing forward my friend. You are loved. Blessings
Selflove is much needed to live life. thanks for this lovely article.
Love journaling it’s so powerful!
As a new-ish mom who struggles with perfectionism as well as feelings of guilt and insecurity, it was really good to read your suggestions! Dealing with a high needs toddler isn’t easy, but I should really show myself more grace.
I am sure that you are doing an amazing job being a mom. The awesome thing about giving ourselves grace is role modeling this for others – which I believe is essential for little people to learn.
Loved this post! Some great tips. Thanks for sharing, it is very important to value yourself
Yes it is. If we don’t then it’s likely that others won’t either. Blessings to you.
I really enjoyed this post. Some points I totally agreed with like,”Yeah, I do that!”, and some really make me think, “Do I do that? Why aren’t I?” Thank you for this and for reminding women that we do have value. <3
If we don’t value ourselves — no one else can do it for us. Blessings
So true. We need to care for ourselves. If for no other reason it makes us better at being able to care for others. And of course we deserve to put ourselves first, and need to more often!
I agree 😀 Blessings to you.
This is so beautiful and positive! I do feel like journaling is SO beneficial mentally!
So glad to hear this. Blessings
Great points. I really need to start a journal
You may find it healing. Blessings
These are good things to think about if you are trying to give yourself the value you deserve. Realizing your past is your past and nothing you can do about it is important or you get locked and trapped in your past.
So true. So many people allow their past to define them and it stops them from pressing forward in their lives. Blessings to you.
wow – this is very thought provoking! some really great things to think about for yourself and women in your life!
I have a loved one who struggles with this in his life…. I’m definitely sending him this to share with him… Thank you so much for this….
I hope it will help him – we all have value. Blessings to you and your friend.
These are all such fantastic ways and very motivating. I can definitely implement some of these into my life and I know so many people who can benefit from reading this post.
Awesome to hear. Blessings to you.
These are great questions to get everyone thinking. I want to start journaling soon, and I think this is a great place to start. A few of these I was able to answer as I read, others will take deeper thought.
I hope that you get some enlightening as you begin to journal your thoughts. Blessings
Your post gives me so much motivation to love myself more. It’s essential that we recognize our own value. No-one will ever respect you if you don’t respect yourself first!
Your comment made my heart happy. You are valuable. Blessings.
I’m really fortunate to have had parents and professional mentors that taught me to value myself and to see the value I bring to the table in various situations. It’s hard to know that there are so many out there that don’t know just how important they are to the world.
Awesome. Blessings to you.
This was an absolutely amazing read! I love the tips you provided, and I think it’s very important for everyone to take some time everyday to value themselves because everyone is important!
Yes — every single person has value. Blessings
This is a post that really makes you think about yourself and the example you set everyday with your actions. Love it! The journaling part is so true, I started journaling about a year ago and it transformed the way I view myself and how I see certain part throughout my life. I really enjoyed your post!
Good job on your journaling. It’s great to hear how it has helped enrich your life. Blessings
OMG, this is so timely. I was having a conversation with a dear friend who I realized doesn’t value herself nor do she expect or can appreciate it when someone values her. It was a very enlightening revelation for both. Thank you for sharing.
Hopefully she can apply some of these points and heal her life. Blessings
I am going to journal the answers to these questions. I especially liked what you said about not answering why questions.
Awesome. May you find healing and growth. Blessings.